she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
