T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
