So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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