I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
