Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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