The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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