Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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