Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
