filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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