I bet he comes in French.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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