All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
