we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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