Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
tell me about the fingering
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
