Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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