nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
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