On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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