I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
time to smoke my breakfast
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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