quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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