I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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