After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
