i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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