Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize