just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
