apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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