I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize