so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
