my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
