life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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