i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
