Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
