So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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