i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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