Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I die, sorry about rent.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
