just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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