i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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