yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
