you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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