I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
