I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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