He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
