I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
this hospital has no fireball
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
