i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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