I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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