my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
