there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
