When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
