but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my shit smells like andre
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
