I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
