Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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