Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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