if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You work out of a Hotel?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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