Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
