When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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