I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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