hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
